The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
