So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
