A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
