Sry I called you an 8
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
