It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Randomize
