i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
no you cant smoke seaweed
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
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