i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Randomize
