I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Randomize
