Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
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