You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
