so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
