i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Send help, water and tortillas.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Randomize
