My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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