then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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