don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
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