she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
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