Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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