So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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