East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
it's like heaven, but drunker
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
