who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
