Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
