Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
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