I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
