i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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