A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Randomize
