im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
