Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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