ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
