I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
