oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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