He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
