i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future�
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Randomize
