Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Randomize
