So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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