My friends, they love my intelligence
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
