what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
