SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
