hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
