Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
