Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
