She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
