Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
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