Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
