Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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