I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I wear drunk well.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
