Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
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