margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
