No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
