Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
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