a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
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