why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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