There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
