It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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