eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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