You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
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