party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
