I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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