thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
You've changed since you got that strap on
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
