I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
