NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
