i think my mom watched the whole time
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
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