You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
